an intercultural marriage

24 February 2014



The other day, my girlfriends and I were discussing what eating habits we had acquired from being with our significant others (these three girls are Irish, English and Canadian, with English, Canadian and French men). "He's made me eat more cheese, and he eats more chocolate because of me", type of thing. It was pretty funny to realise how much we all have in common on that front!

It in turn made me think about the differences E and I have when it comes to the little things, because of our different nationalities and backgrounds. Although I consider myself very "Europeanised" due to spending most of my life here, I still have strong roots to where I come from, and sometimes those differences are serious hurdles that you have to work through, and other times they are just funny little things that remind you of the different cultures that we were born into. (Me Japan, E France.)

Here are some of the smaller things I've learnt that set E and I apart*-

1. Mealtimes
Like actual times when you would eat meals. In Japan, people tend to eat on the early side for their meals - lunchtime at midday or half past, dinner at 7, or 7:30 at the latest. At least, this is the case with most Japanese people that I know. E says he was shocked when he first came to England, and found out that people eat dinner earlier than 9pm. For the French, it's lunch at 2 and dinner at 9-10pm. The two of us are early rather than late eaters most of the time, but when we go to France, dinner at 10pm is the absolute norm. I still find it hard to get used to!

2. Greeting people
Everyone knows about the whole kissing hoopla that happens when you meet French people. Is it going to be 1 kiss? Definitely not. 2? Most likely. Sometimes it's 3 though, and that really throws me off the loop. It's really just awkward. Now the Japanese - we go to the other extreme end of the spectrum. We bow when we meet people, and there is absolutely no touching involved. Even hugging between friends is not as common, and that I have always found foreign. I hug the life out of my friends, I hug E if we meet up somewhere - hugging is just a good medium, right?

3. Cheese
This is a no-brainer. There is absolutely zero cheese involved in traditional Japanese cooking, and even our western dishes only require a small quantity on occasion. To the French, cheese and wine are like a whole other religion. When I was in France over Christmas, we ate every day with our lovely friends, one of whom was American. She ate everything, and liked everything, but by the 5th day of eating cheese at every single meal she did utter the words, "Wow, more cheese?", and I sympathised big time. I love it, but I came home craving noodles. Asian food will always be my favourite, and French will always be E's. It's a good thing we love each other's favourites, and that we come from real foodie cultures.

4. PDA
Otherwise known at Public Displays of Affection. In Japan, you will probably never see people kissing in public, not even on the cheek. I mean, hugging is already rare - there's no smooching to be seen there! Couples holding hands is pretty much as far as it goes. Even though I was brought up here in England, I still have a bit of that reserve in me, and while E is happy enough to be affectionate in any situation, I am slightly apprehensive of being "lovey dovey", especially in front of close friends rather than strangers, funnily enough. Then again, I don't think I would be happy if he never wanted to show a little affection regardless of where we were, so I'm a bit high maintenance really!

Of course, you don't have to come from different countries to have differences in opinions, habits or traditions - I'd love to hear more stories like these.


*obviously these are generalisations based on my own experiences and our personal differences, I mean no offence to anyone!


15 comments:

  1. I like the differences in cultures c: I find myself
    already Westernized lol and in my country you
    greet people with 3 kisses on the cheeks c;
    Xx

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    1. i will remember that for when i go to Holland next time! x

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  2. i love this post! i even find differences between me and yangkyu even though we're both korean! he came to the states later than i did and we grew up in different environments :) so interesting!

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    1. it really is, i'm sure everybody has their own unique background and upbringing and it's great to know different people with different stories x

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  3. Love the back detail :D
    WWW.PUTRIVALENTINALIM.BLOGSPOT.COM

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  4. Love this post, Miho. Such an interesting topic to write about and for you to share. I love that you both have different tastes but fit in so well together and like each others favourites, it's great. So surprised at how late the French eat! I don't know how anyone can wait that long! I have breakfast at 6.30/7.30, coffee and a snack at 9 and 11, lunch at 1 or 2, more snacks and dinner at 6 or 7!
    N xo

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    1. haha i really suffer with late meal times, i get hangry! i guess it helps when i'm stuffed with cheese ;) x

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  5. Ummm well I guess even from different areas in the U.S. there are mild differences. Or dependent upon your upbringing. I'm a military brat and I've been in the military in one way, shape or form my whole life. Since turing 30 I've found I've gotten a little bit more set in my ways with food. I kind of tend to stick with American foods when I cook and but with the military background I'm more open minded to foods. My husband is Filipino but raised in Cali so he is very much raised Filipino with such unhealthy food. LOL! He always looks forward to his mom coming to cook Filipino food since I'm not the best at when it comes to adding enough salt or fat to our food.

    We accept each other even with our different backgrounds and it's what makes us, us. :)

    I remember once while we were both stationed in Japan and we were talking in the mall with our American PDA and we saw a Japanese couple walking in front of us. The man was holding his girlfriend's hand but he kept patting her butt, needless to say she was freaking out about that. We couldn't help but laugh because that's something you'd normally see on the street in Cali you know?

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    1. so interesting! i know that Filipino food and culture is very special and something they take pride in (with good reason!) so it must be fascinating to be married to such a family. and the hand to butt thing is hilarious!! x

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  6. This is so lovely Miho! All the differences, yet you guys are in harmony :D

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    1. thanks Ellie! yes, we definitely have our individual opinions and tastes but it's nice to learn from each other :) x

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  7. The kiss-on-cheek thing was so so hard for me to get used to when I was in France, not only because we don't do it AT ALL here but also because they do it in place of hugging and we are such big huggers here. I'll give hugs goodbye even after our first meeting. And I'm with you on the PDA...it feels more awkward around people you know than strangers, I don't know why!

    Marla @ A Weekend Crossing

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  8. First of all, beautiful choice of imagery. Was this your wedding dress?

    Second of all, I can relate to everything you mentioned E. does differently than you do. Everything but one: eating at 10pm. Really??? I'm French and I never eat that late. Usually around 8 or 8:30pm but I suppose it depends whereabouts in france E is from. They usually eat later in the South I think. Anyway this was a great idea for a post and really fun to read!! xx

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  9. I love this post as I'm always intrigued by different people cultures too. I am West African, so when it comes to meal times, it varies, it's not very specific. However, the way we greet is different to that of the French way of the two or three kisses on the cheek or the English stern handshake. We actually bend our whole bodies until our knees are on the ground as this is a sign of respect. This mainly occurs to that of your elder, no matter the age, you still have to do it; but because I, myself too am quite 'europeanised', I don't do this as much. As for cheese? ahaha, you see it here and there. We are very big on stews, vegetables, rice and yam though!

    x
    www.TheAfropolitan.me

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  10. I love this insight into the differences between the two of you. Even my husband and I, both from the same state, argue about when dinner is served. My family ate no later than 6 and he prefers to eat no earlier than 8. But 10pm?! That's a snack and bedtime for me. :)

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